


Cimmerian Library Association Conference, 2013, in Shadizar

by jadelennox



Category: Conan the Librarian
Genre: Dewey Decimal Classification, Gen, Library of Congress Classification
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-16
Updated: 2014-03-16
Packaged: 2018-01-15 21:52:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1320496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadelennox/pseuds/jadelennox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Those <i>abs</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cimmerian Library Association Conference, 2013, in Shadizar

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Measured_Words](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Measured_Words/gifts).



DDC 355.02  
LOC U101  
(to crush the enemy)

"We are Citizens against Taxation and we are here to demand big government not steal our hard-earned income and give it to lazy welfare queens and twentieth century leftovers like _libraries_ , havens for homeless people, hippies, and athiests. Do we need this tax override just to fund people who still read books and yet won't buy -- Hey, who are you? Sir, you can't be up here! Are you one of those hippie athiest librarians? Hey, put that sword away. Wha--

Aauuurrggghh!"

* * *

DDC 629.28  
LOC HE5620.A25  
(to see them driven before you)

The toddlers milled around the children's room after story hour, where for "milled around" read "terrorized". The Lao twins were systematically removing every picture book from the shelves, ripping out a few pages, and then moving on to the next. Billie Peppersmith needed a diaper change, but it was hard to tell, because Soshanna Miller and her baby brother Dovie had tipped over the diaper pail by the bathroom while they were fighting over a board book that now lay in pieces before them. It had been one of the so-called indestructible kind, too, the junior librarian noted sadly. Most of the other tots were careening around at high speeds, shrieking at pitches that were probably waking dogs all over town.

"How can we get them out?" the junior librarian asked the circulation assistant, who'd come upstairs to see what all the noise was about. "Most of the parents just dropped them off and snuck out while my back was turned." There was toilet paper wrapped around both of them.

The circulation assistant grimaced. "You'll have to call your boss."

"The head of the children's department? Mr. The Librarian? I'll look like I can't do my job!" the junior children's librarian wailed.

"Trust me," said the circulation assistant. "Only your boss can handle them."

Nothing was more satisfying than watching the terrorized parents flee with their cowering tots that afternoon.

* * *

DDC 808.1  
LOC PN691  
(to hear the lamentations of the women)

"Seriously, he never dates?"

"Nope."

"Is he gay?"

"Might be, but he doesn't date dudes either."

"But. Those _abs_!"

"I know, it's a crime."


End file.
